Cool Tools - Also in Israel edition

For free and helpful translation from Hebrew to English, Morfix is unbeatable.

And when you run into a strange acronym in Hebrew, Kizur will likely have it.

What to do when contacted by ultra-O shnorrers

As the countdown to my Son's bar mitva progressed, I began to get calls from various ultra-O charities, urging me to sponsor special charity lunches for the needy, at which they would pray for his continued success and whatnot. I have no idea how they got my name and number, and how they knew that my Son is nearing B-M.

My usual response to unsolicited charity phone calls is either 'no thank you' and hang up, or if they manage to say enough to intrigue me I ask to be sent material in the mail for review.

In this case, the first charity sent along their envelope, and the activities did look quite impressive. Many of the people photographed looked like your run-of-the-mill homeless, not necessarily ultra-O themselves. I sent off a generous donation (though less than what they had requested).

The next day I get another 'urgent' call, and it takes me until a few minutes into the call to realize this is not the the same charity that I had just mailed a donation to. So again I asked for a mailing.

This time the brochure has pictures almost only of ultra-O. Lots of white bearded Rabbis visiting and recommending. Offers of blessing me and praying specially for me (or my Son) in various holy places. The address is in Geula (Mea Shearim).

After talking it over with my Brother, I decided to send them the following in their postage free envelope:

בס"ד

לכבוד עמותת "____"

בעקבות שיחתנו הטלפונית קיבלתי בדואר את בקשתכם לתרומה. לפי החוברת המצורפת אני יכול לראות שאתם אכן עושים חסד ועל זה תבורכו.

אני רוצה שתדעו שיש לי בעיה לתמוך בכם. איני מניח שלקחתם חלק אישי במהומות שאירעו לאחרונה בשכונתכם, אבל ברור לי מתוך החוברת שבתוך עמכם אתם יושבים. אם אנשים בעלי שם כמו הרבנים המופיעים אצלכם לא יקומו ויוקיעו את האלימות הפושה בקרבכם, אז מי יעצור את הבושה? הרס רכוש ציבורי, גרימת חילול שבת המונית של שוטרים, איך אפשר להצדיק את זה?

גם איני מרוצה מחוסר הסובלנות שלכם מאנשים שרואים את היהדות אחרת. אני "קונסרבטיבי" ומאמין שיש לתת שוויונות מלאה לנשים גם בבית-הכנסת, דבר שאני יודע שלא רק אינו מקובל בקרבכם, אלא שראיית נשים עטופות בטלית עלול לגרור תגובה אלימה מהציבור שלכם.

על כן החלטתי לתרום בשמכם סך 180 ₪ לתנועה המסורתית, כדי לקרב לבבות ולהביא לגאולה שלמה של אהבת ישראל במהרה בימינו אמן.

בברכה,

אריה אברמוביץ

Yes, I *DID* ride that thing up those hills...

If you ever wanted to experience the rush of a triumph parade without risking any bloodshed, sign up for the next Alyn ride now!

Photo evidence! These pictures do not lie!

Day 1, Day 4, Day 5, at the finish line (above).

Also, my biggest supporters:

Shana Tova

To those of you who have already contributed to my sponsorship for the Alyn ride, thank you in the name of the children of Alyn. If you haven't yet contributed, it isn't too late.

Shana Tova from the Abramovitz family, wishing all of you a sweet, peaceful and successful year.

From Summer 09

על גבי ערימת ספגטי

and now in hebrew

על גבי ערמת ספגטי והרבה גבינה

ישבה לה קציצה כשמישהי התעטשה

היא התגלגלה על השולחן ואל הרצפה

ואז הקציצה התגלגלה לעבר הגינה

בתוך הגינה היא התגלגלה אל תוך שיח

ואז מהקציצה נשאר כמעט רק הריח

השארית היה טעים, אוי כל כך טעים

וכשהגיע הקיץ, הוא פרח על העצים

כן על העץ צמחו להם, בצרוף ירוקת יפהפיה

קציצות גדולות גדולות, ורוטב עגבניה

אז אם תאכלו ספגטי, מכוסה בגבינה כולו

החזיקו היטב בקציצה וזהירות אל תתעטשו

On Top of Spaghetti

On Top Of Spaghetti

On top of spaghetti all covered with cheese.

There sat my poor meatball when somebody sneezed.

It rolled off the table, and onto the floor,

And then my poor meatball rolled out of the door.

It rolled in the garden and under a bush,

And then my poor meatball was nothing but mush.

The mush was as tasty as tasty could be,

And early next summer it grew to a tree.

The tree was all covered with beautiful moss.

It grew great big meatballs and tomato sauce.

So if you eat spaghetti all covered with cheese,

Hold on to your meatball and don't ever sneeze.

The New Authority

Haim Omer's "The New Authority: Family, School and Community" was both inspiring and somewhat disturbing at the same time. Published in Hebrew in 2008, I understand that it repeats many themes of his older books, so non-hebrew speakers will have to make do with books such as "Non-Violent Resistance: A new approach to violent and self destructive children".

I would sum up Omer's main thesis as this: The old Authority consisted of a zero-sum game of honor -- if a subordinate impinged on the honor of an authority figure, all the weight of the system would be immediately and automatically brought to bear on the miscreant in order to bring back the 'balance'. Though some may be nostalgic and wish to return to this simplicity, the wheel cannot be turned back. The way forward is the New Authority.

The New Authority is non-monolithic but has several typical features:

1. Parental / Authority figure supervision: in any case that problematic behaviour is suspected, closer supervision should be implemented. Public areas such as school yards, hallways, and bathrooms need to be patrolled by authority figures to show that control has not been ceded to bullies.
2. 'Strike when the iron is cold' -- authority should avoid head-on conflict, but should only notify the offender that the unacceptable behaviour has been taken note of, and the response will come after due consideration.
3. Gather support and allies -- authority gains its moral force from social consensus. So when there is a conflict, the authority figure needs to prepare by gathering allies; other teachers, parents, neighbors. Then the offender is invited to a meeting where instead of a head-on confrontation between two parties, there is a circle meeting.
4. Responsibility and Restitution: After the offended party presents her version of the event, the offender is given an opportunity take responsibility and to suggest how to 'fix' what had been done. If after a 15 minute period of silence no suggestions are forthcoming, the circle may suggest remedial measures that the offender can adopt. Support for the offender in implementing the restitutive actions is also important.
5. Transparency: in direct contrast with the old Authority which owed explanations to no-one (a Man's home is his castle, a Teacher's classroom is his territory), the actions of new authority figures gain power via their communal support. Secretly spying on children's activities puts the authority figure in a bind, since she can't admit to the source of her knowledge of the negative activities, whereas open supervision, while it may overstep accepted boundaries of privacy, is above-board and eventually accepted as a manifestation of caring.

I have two main practical problems with these ideas:

1. The book deals mostly with extreme situations in the Home, School and Community. I am missing the link to what happens before the extreme situation. My general impression is that the answer would be 'modulate your level of [Parental] Supervision', but it is not that clear to me. As Omer shows in the first section, boundaries are a pre-requisite for a healthy psyche, yet his book deals mostly with how to deal with escalated conflicts, not how to go about setting boundaries in such a way that conflict is (hopefully) avoided altogether, or how it can be dealt with at early stages without calling relatives and friends to play 'good cop' to your 'bad cop'.
2. Statistically the amount of time spent in the home by parents is, as far as I know, continually getting smaller. This approach requires both more time in general, and concerted effort (social networking) to implement the actions required in the extreme situations. Without an economic revolution that will free parents to work less and be home more, I don't think this approach will ever take off in more than a middle class niche. Even the middle class niche is doubtful when you take into consideration the level of social cohesion the approach requires.

On the disturbing side, I felt an undercurrent of 'social tyranny'. It is true that physical violence is avoided, but social pressure can also be violence, even if not physical. This was especially true for the scripted responses, such as the advice that if the offender objects, tries to make excuses, blame others, etc', the circle is to stand firm and not argue, but just restate the 'facts'. I can't help but imagine a scenario where someone has been unjustly accused, and the accuser has gathered supporters and allies who then back them up, and the accused finds herself 'stonewalled' into accepting guilt. It reminds me of this scene from Cory Doctorow's "Eastern Standard Tribe" where the protoganist has been committed for observation and tries to explain the situation to the doctor:

...I was doing Tribal work in London, serving the Eastern Standard Agenda, working with a couple of Tribesmen, well, one Tribesman and my girlfriend, who I thought was unaffiliated. Turns out, though, that they’re both double agents. They sold out to the Pacific Daylight Tribe, lameass phonies out in LA, slick Silicon Valley bizdev sharks, pseudo hipsters in San Franscarcity. Once I threatened to expose them, they set me up, had me thrown in here.”...

The doctor acted as if he hadn’t heard me. “That’s just fascinating, Art. Thank you for sharing that. Now, here’s a question I’d like you to think about, and maybe you can tell us the answer tomorrow: What are the ways that your friends—the ones you say betrayed you—used to show you how much they respected you and liked you? Think hard about this. I think you’ll be surprised by the conclusions you come to.”

Though implementing the new authority seems more moral than the old one, in fact it could support any Ethic that a group of people decide to socially pressure for. For instance, the Ultra-O could use it to force their children to conform to the norms of their society. Imagine a young ultra-O gay person coming out of the closet slowly, going to the local 'Open House', being trailed and observed by a group of his Father's friends. They could be completely non-violent, yet still have a completely chilling effect on both his freedom and the freedom of other youngsters.